“One, because there’s a performance issue, and two, because there can be a consent issue… I did white wine once. “You try not to mix a lot of drugs and a lot of alcohol with orgies,” Ponante said. Once the most charming cads and dashing reprobates in your contact list have RSVPed to your dream sex party, it’s time to get down to specifics: The food, the drinks, and the theme. The way some porn movies depict these things, they’re deadly serious but in real life, they’re actually fun. You don’t have people screaming and just crying out at an orgy. “I’ve had porn stars at my parties, and if you watch one of their sex party porn movies, then see how they behave at an actual sex party, it’s night and day. “The pornification of sex parties is really a Hague-level crime, a U.N.-level crime,” Ponante told me. According to my group-sex-experts, those depictions are wildly inaccurate: It’s not going to be like a porn movie, and it’s not going to be like Eyes Wide Shut. Unless you’ve attended one, your concept of an orgy is probably based on pop culture portrayals of the practice. “Like, ‘we’re going to watch porn together,’ or ‘we’re going to read erotica together.’” Temper your orgiastic expectations “If it’s beginners, and you’re getting folks used to a sexy space, it’s really helpful to have it be an introductory event,” Harris said. If that’s the case, Harris suggests an intermediate step between party-party and orgy: A sexy party as opposed to a full-on sex party. If you’re anything like me, many of your friends are squares who would balk at attending an orgy-it’s a little intimidating, after all. “You tell people, like, ‘Hey, friends, maybe this sounds a little strange, but I’m throwing a sexy party, and you’re invited.’” “You need to make sure that everybody understands what they’re signing up for, and that starts with the event invitation,” Harris said. And be straight with your guests about what they can expect right from the start.
Don’t throw a regular dinner party that you hope will turn into an orgy-that shit only works in porn movies. Inform and forewarn your guestsĭo not invite anyone to a sex party who doesn’t know it’s a sex party. “I would say you can have maybe up to five people, if you want just a pile of bodies all doing things with each other.” More than quintet, and they’ll probably break up into smaller groups, just like people socializing at clothing-mandatory parties. “A sex party is almost never an actual free-for-all,” Harris explains. Keep the guest list small, especially if the idea is to have a truly shared experience. “When you get a group of people who don’t necessarily feel constricted by shame as much, it’s not necessarily an indicator of what part of the racial, economic, or political spectrum they might be part of.” For lack of a better term, it is shame-resistance,” he said. “There’s a through-line that goes through the type of people who would attend a sex party. Ponante points out that the crowd at his sexy Saturnalias are surprisingly diverse. So at least one or two people have already vouched for your ability to handle this kind of space,” Harris said. You’re either a friend of the host, or you’re the date of a friend of the host. “At house parties…you’re generally only there if you’ve been vouched for by somebody.
Instead, make sure anyone you invite is within your social circle of trust. This is probably not the time to find out if you vibe with someone new.
So don’t scrawl your address on a bathroom wall or invite all your Facebook friends you have to be discerning. As the host, it’s your responsibility to keep your guests safe, and to make them happy. Who should you invite to an orgy?Īny party is only as good as its guests, but an orgy has requirements a Kentucky Derby party does not. These two have organized dozens of the kinds of parties I never get invited to: orgies, sex parties, near-sex parties, and other outré expressions of sensuality and group identity. I talked to a couple of OG orgy-heads-veteran adult industry journalist Gram Ponante and certified intimacy educator and event organizer Stella Harris-to get the scoop on hosting your very own neighborhood bacchanal.
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